There’s something about fall that begs you to slow down. The crisp air, warm drinks, and golden leaves invite us to savor, bite by bite, sip by sip, kiss by kiss. But here’s the thing: too many women are still rushing through oral pleasure like it’s fast food instead of a full-course feast. Fall is about indulging in richness, savoring sweetness, and not apologizing for wanting more. Why should your pleasure be any different?
6 Harmful Bedroom Myths That Silence Women’s Pleasure (And the Truth You Need to Hear)
Most of us didn’t grow up being directly told “your pleasure doesn’t matter.” Yet many of us were handed soft, seemingly well-meaning messages that taught us to stay quiet, prioritize our partner, and not take up too much space, especially in the bedroom. These messages don’t always sound harmful. In fact, they’re often disguised as advice meant to help us be “better lovers,” “more present,” or “less demanding.” But underneath their cozy fall-sweater packaging, they carry a hard truth: they condition us to see our needs as inconvenient, excessive, or selfish.
Here are just a few of the messages that silence us, and the truth behind them:
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“Be present.” Yes, presence matters. But when you’re constantly focused on someone else’s pleasure while mentally detaching from your own? That’s not presence—that’s performance. This phrase is often used to redirect us away from our unmet needs, making it seem we should be grateful for receiving anything and feel guilty for wanting more. Settle for crumbs when I’m the main course? Immediately no.
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“Enjoy the sensation.” Translation: don’t expect to finish. Just appreciate the effort. This one sounds sensual and mindful, but it’s a subtle way of saying, “Don’t be disappointed if you don’t orgasm.” We’re told to embrace the journey—even when the destination never comes. And that’s not liberation. That’s suppression dressed up in lingerie.
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“Don’t be so orgasm-focused.” Now let’s ask: are men ever told this? In most sexual encounters, his orgasm is treated like a guaranteed outcome. Yours? Bonus points, maybe. Wanting to climax isn’t shallow or selfish—it’s natural, healthy, and deserved.
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“It’s not all about you.” Umm it’s literally my life. But, when is it ever about us? We’re socialized to give, give, and give some more. To prioritize someone else’s enjoyment and label it intimacy—even when we leave the experience feeling invisible, unsatisfied, and emotionally depleted. This phrase tries to shame us out of seeking balance. Return to sender expeditiously.
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“You’re too complicated / high maintenance / demanding.” Classic gaslighting. These phrases aren’t feedback—they’re emotional manipulation. Used to make you question your needs instead of him questioning his effort. A lazy lover’s way of dodging growth while making you feel like your standards are the problem.
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“Men don’t like being told what to do.” Insecure men don’t. Secure men welcome feedback, especially in bed. The right partner wants to please you and learn what feels good to you. But when we’re told that speaking up will hurt their ego, we end up silencing ourselves to protect their pride… while denying our own pleasure. Spoiler alert: next week’s blog is straight from the mouths of men—confessing how they really feel when you give them feedback on their head game. It’s juicy, vulnerable, and challenges a lot of the conditioning we’ve received 🙌🏾🔥
Unlock Your Pleasure Mindset: Learn to Expect More Than the Bare Minimum
Nonetheless, the emotional toll of internalizing these messages is real. We learn to stay silent, suppress, smile and fake it. We settle for “just enough.” And question ourselves for wanting more. But here’s your fall reminder: you are not too much, and you are not hard to please. You’ve just been taught to expect too little, and applaud the bare minimum.
If you’re ready to unlearn the shame & speak up, get the Clit Commandments Invest in The Clit Commandments and step into your Receiving Era. Because a month from now? You could be glowing and getting yours💦 No guessing. No gaslighting. No guilt. Your body was made to be worshipped. And from this moment on, it’s non-negotiable. You’ve given enough. It’s time to get yours—and then some ❤️🔥
