Hey girl, I’m Annie, your Head Coach 😝 for #MunchMay. And today I want to discuss messages women are told that condition us to cum last—if at all. Now let’s be real: most women didn’t grow up being directly told “your pleasure doesn’t matter.” Yet many of us were handed soft, seemingly well-meaning messages that taught us to stay quiet, prioritize our partner, and not take up too much space, especially in the bedroom. These messages don’t always sound harmful. In fact, they’re often disguised as advice meant to help us be “better lovers,” “more present,” and have a “good experience.” But underneath their soft packaging, they carry a hard truth that conditions us to see our needs as inconvenient, excessive, or selfish. Here are just a few examples of the messages that silence us—and the truth behind them:
Why So Many Women Are Conditioned to Cum Last in Bed
“Be present.” Yes, presence matters. But when you’re constantly focused on someone else’s pleasure while mentally detaching from your own? That’s not presence—that’s performance. This phrase is often used to redirect us away from our unmet needs, making it seem we should be grateful for receiving anything and feel guilty for wanting more. Settle for crumbs when you're the main course? Immediately no.
“Enjoy the sensation.” Translation: don’t expect to finish. Just appreciate the effort. This one sounds sensual and mindful, but it’s a subtle way of saying, “Don’t be disappointed if you don’t orgasm.” We’re told to embrace the journey—even when the destination never comes. And that’s not liberation. That’s suppression dressed up in lingerie.
“Don’t be so orgasm-focused.” Now let’s ask: are men ever told this? Studies show, in 95% of sexual encounters, his orgasm is a guaranteed outcome. Yours? Will happen 18-65% of the time. Maybe. Which is why it’s my mission to help you understand that wanting to climax isn’t shallow or selfish—it’s natural, healthy, and deserved.
“It’s not all about you.” Umm, it’s literally my life. But, when is it ever about us as women? We’re socialized to pour, prove, perform, and protect egos. To prioritize someone else’s enjoyment and label it as intimacy, even when we leave the experience feeling invisible, unsatisfied, and emotionally depleted, this phrase tries to shame us out of seeking balance. Return to sender expeditiously.
“You’re too complicated/ high maintenance / demanding.” Classic gaslighting. These phrases aren’t feedback—they’re emotional manipulation. Used to make you question your needs instead of them questioning their effort. A lazy lover’s way of dodging growth while making you feel like your standards are the problem. Implying your needs are a flaw, rather than valid expressions of self-awareness and self-worth. They teach us to second-guess our desires and shrink in the face of discomfort.
“Men don’t like being told what to do.” Insecure men don’t. Secure men welcome feedback, especially in bed. The right partner wants to please you and learn what feels good to you. But when we’re told that speaking up will hurt their ego, we end up silencing ourselves to protect their pride… while denying our own pleasure. Spoiler alert: next week’s email is straight from the mouths of men, confessing how they really feel when you give them feedback on their head game. It’s juicy, vulnerable, and challenges a lot of the conditioning we’ve received 🙌🏾🔥
Reclaim Your Voice in Bed with the Free Munch Manual
Nonetheless, the emotional toll of internalizing these messages is real. We learn to stay silent, suppress, smile, and fake it. We settle for “just enough.” And question ourselves for wanting more. But you’re not too much and you’re not hard to please. You’ve just been taught to expect too little—and applaud the bare minimum. If you’re ready to unlearn the shame & speak up, we’re gifting you The Munch Manual for free this month only. As it’s going to empower you to unpack these messages, reconnect with your body, and advocate for what you want, without guilt, tension, or apology. Inside, you'll learn how to communicate your needs, navigate the discomfort of giving feedback, and raise your standards with softness and self-love 💕
